Being Positive

"This book will change your life." A friend told me a couple of weeks ago when I was feeling extremely low. It was a book written by Dani Johnson about becoming successful, making money and starting your own business.

I'll confess now - I only got up to the second chapter. Although the book was endlessly cheesy, flooded with a constant row of testimonials about how this book indeed 'changed their lives' - It did make me question  'What do I want in life?' and 'How will I get there?'

I am in a pretty tight spot right now, so spent a week applying for a couple of jobs. I got two interviews. One interview was for a 'Sales Assistant', which I was told there was an office more local to me, in Peterborough. I was told because I showed an 'eagerness to progress' I was to be invited to Norwich to meet the manager there. It turned out it was for a direct marketing company whose only office was based solely in Norwich, which operated on a 'no win, no fee' basis. Meaning - if you don't make any sales that day, you don't get paid. If you get through - you get through as a self employed trading partner - means less taxes to pay for both parties, but they don't have to give you a minimum wage too. The progression they promised was swift - they promote strictly internally, and many 'trading partners' gave their testimonials again and again, about how quickly they climbed up the ladder.

The other interview was truly based in Peterborough, as an I-card Coordiantor for a television company. Reads cool on paper, right? It was a temporary job but a far more steady income, with a very small office situated beside a warehouse. "I'll be honest with you." The interviewer said, "There's a lot of pressure that comes with this job. Between you and me, our boss is looking to sell the business, so everyone is concerned about their position here. There is a great deal of uncertainty." When I first learnt about the job description, it described an ideal candidate to be a very creative individual, but there didn't seem to be any creativity involved in the job at all.

I was lucky enough to be able to choose between these two positions, and it all came down to 'What do I want in life?' and 'How will I get there?'

I chose to be a Sales Assistant, and went through my training in Norwich. I can honestly say that I have learnt a great deal about business and about life in general the past week or so. Although I am currently not breaking even, I have really enjoyed my time working with these people.

The biggest thing that I have learnt recently via the book, via being a Sales Assistant, via moving forward and shoving my depression and illness aside, is that attitude makes a HUGE difference in about nearly everything you do.

When I have the right attitude - When I applied for those jobs, I got the interviews, I got the positions. I wouldn't have gotten any responses if my attempt was half-hearted. When you have the right attitude, your inner dialogue isn't "I can't do this" or "I don't want to anymore", it's "Let's do this", it's "I can, and I freakin' will." If you want to be successful, if you want to run that business, or heck, even have a decent holiday or make a damn good cake - if you have the right attitude, you're 99% there.

So what do I want in life? How will I get there?

I want a steady income, a successful business, far too many pets and to travel the world.

How will I get there? Well first, by working damn hard and being positive.

Food Wars: Shokugeki No Soma

Food Wars: Shokugeki No Soma

I came across the anime through recommendations online. Like many others, I was intrigued at the concept of this anime - an anime based on a passion of cooking. Rice Digital - An anime/gaming hub for those in the UK reviewed this anime, but unfortunately I only watched the fist five minutes before loading up episode 1 and taking a look for myself.

Perhaps if I watched the rest of the review I would have been more prepared of what was to come.

The anime features main character Sōma Yukihira, whose personality and appearance looks like a direct cross from Natsu from Fairy Tail and Shirō Emiya from Fate/Stay night. In the beginning Yukihira seems to know what he wants - that is, to be a chef like his father - and seems from the beginning to be very good at working in the family restaurant.

I have to admit that on the premise, the cooking side of the anime is quite good. The visuals are great, there's even a little science behind the cooking.

So Natsu.

The plot also seems promising quite for casual viewers, particularly at the end of the first episode. So, you may wish to ask - why is this anime getting a bad review?

It's the fanservice. From the first five minutes we have tentacle rape, organisms, nudity... etc, etc. It's very disappointing that a potential golden anime such as this has to resolve into raping and objectifying women in order to express how good or bad the food is to the audience. One enthusiast for Food Wars assured me it was okay, because there was 'fanservice for women too'. Oh mother of joy.

I've no problem with nudity in anime. I'm a big fan of Madlax for example. And again, as fanservice really is rife in the anime world - I put up with the boob remarks Lucy gets in Fairy Tail, Professor 'Bitch' in Assassination Classroom, etc, etc. I shouldn't have to. But it's in there presumably because most people enjoy it, right? The most important point I'm trying to make is that the anime I've mentioned  above don't include non-consensual rape, even if it in Food Wars case, the girl is imagines it when Yukihira forces gross food down her throat, it's still unsettling to watch. And it is this topic that I feel should be discussed further. Is it really fun to watch non-consensual rape? Do we really need it? Even in hentai?

Food Wars: Shokugeki No Soma is another slave to fanservice, with a promising storyline and interesting premise. For myself, the fanservice really drowns out these good points, which is a real shame.

So to conclude, this anime I'll leave you with this youtuber's comment. I think it works quite nciely.

Finishing the degree and going forward

I can't say that since my last posts things got better. If we take an average, things got a heck of a lot worse. Thursday and yesterday were particularly tricky days, and I'm very glad to put them behind me. I'm really glad that I had some very kind friends in the end.

It's tricky to move on from the bad things, but what else is there to do? I made a little plan of things I'd like to do or have in my lifetime. Some of them are kinda understandable - I want to run a business one day, I'd like to go travelling. Others might seem a little silly perhaps - I'd like to own a couple of rabbits, some fish, a dog named Karachi...

Not going

I feel as I don't really have anyone to talk to, so this is why I'm writing this post. Because I think, you know, maybe it takes away the loneliness just a little, as I feel like I'm going to burst.

I have not been able to make any advance on my deadlines. I can't write a single word towards them, a tangible block that seems to be beyond procrastination. I am very afraid of not doing things in time, but nevertheless find it difficult to concentrate. I have been having chest pains for a long time. It is hard to breath - and concentrating breathing, you're having a laugh right?

My words are getting mixed up. My pen is dull. That is probably one of the worse things, because speaking out loud is never my forté. Giving opinions on things is scary, because things tend to snap. Friends tend to snap. But things left unsaid also makes things snap. But life isn't about winning, is it?

How many times can I answer 'how are you?' I prefer to say alright, I prefer to say okay. I long to say that no, no indeed I am not ok, no indeed I am struggling, but then indeed, that silence, when you recieve 'sorry to hear that' - and then the nothingness. It has come to the point where the rounds of conversation - though scripted - are worth more than that awkward silence, because that confirms that yes, there is indeed something not great about your situation, and yes, you are indeed a lost cause.

I miss old friends very much. Some words I may exchange here and there. I may read about so and so's problem, and that is nice. And I hope they feel better for it, that'd be great.

But kinda, sinking over here. Maybe I should be alone in the first place.

Another flurry of snow.

I'm tired,
But I've been tired all day. Things have been hazy, and stayed that way on and on, like a tide made of snow.
Yes, nothing like water, nothing that can flow through vein to vein, in and out, moveable, flexible.
It is a heavy feeling, far more solid but also difficult to pick up in it's own right.
I cannot concentrate on what needs doing. I think, goodness. Tomorrow. I'm going to be really productive tomorrow. But tomorrow is when I am meant to be travelling for a day. I am not up for it really. But spending the night alone, just one night, doesn't appeal to me so much, like it would when all this... Snow hadn't yet fallen.

Bunnies and Ghost Bunnies!

 This is becoming some kind of hobby...

Meet lion bunny (left) and scruffy bunny (right)! I really liked painting these rabbits! They look a little unfinished - I think I was quite worried about ruining them. I like how I was able to make a white furred rabbit look actually like it's kinda white, not completely grey :)

 

These rabbits look pretty snazzy inverted, don't you think?